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The Online Dating Double Standard: How Fear Can Prevent Dating Success

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Written by: Lance Metzger

Apr 23, 2008

Many people go online in search of their elusive soul mate, only to find all of the wrong people on the other end of the meeting. Many women think that they are alone in this outcome, but it happens to guys too.

Women have met so many men online, who only seem interested in a roll in the hay, that they have built defenses that may stand in the way of their ultimate success in dating and lifelong happiness. The ladies always tend to believe that they are the only ones that get the short end of that stick, but it just is not true - it really does happen to guys too.

My best friend recently re-entered the dating game, after his wife of ten years decided that she wanted to play the field rather than to stay committed to her husband and her vows. He is a good Christian man, who is only looking for the next Mrs. Smith. Yet, all of the ladies he has been meeting online are only in the game for one thing - a roll in the hay.

Girls, you are not alone.

Dating on the Internet is just like dating in real life, with only minor differences. In person, one can look into the eyes of their potential date to see if there is any real interest. In real life, one can read the body language of their potential date, to see if the interest is real and the intent is good. But, if you were to accept a date with someone met online, then you would actually have to agree to that first date in order to get that one-on-one to measure the interest and intent of your date.

Men and women both fool themselves, by believing that they can read the person at the other end of the conversation, simply by asking questions and reading the written answers. It is not that simple, especially if the other end of the conversation is only interested in night of passion, because the guy only interested in a one-night stand will likely tell you exactly what you want to hear. If he is willing to lie to you to get what he wants, then he will not be the kind of person you want to meet anyway.

But, here is the rub. Many people, men and women alike, feel that the most effective way to avoid the one-night stand type of date, is to demand a commitment of a long-term relationship from the person with whom they are speaking.

Would you commit to buying a car you called about, sight unseen, and without having at least looked at or driven the vehicle first?

You certainly wouldn't, would you?

So, why do you want someone else to commit to a long-term relationship, sight unseen, without first meeting that someone?

Commitment runs two ways. If I were to commit to a long-term relationship with someone I had never before met, then I would expect the person forcing the commitment to approach the relationship with the exact same commitment for me as I had given to them. Just as a marriage relationship requires two people to work together towards the same ends, any commitment undertaken will also require both parties to invest the same care of concern for the promise.

But, the person demanding that kind of commitment before our first date is just as likely to find one hundred reasons not to go out with me on a second date. It just goes with the territory.

It is just basic human behavior that assures me of that outcome. The person demanding a commitment from me, without having first met me, is a person who fears what I might want from them. But, when the fear is so strong as to demand an upfront commitment for a date, then the fear will most assuredly prevent the date from leading to greater things.

This is the very reason why I choose to only date women who are willing to approach a date with "No Strings Attached."

"No Strings Attached" gives me the liberty to determine if I like the person enough to go out with them a second time. And "No Strings Attached" gives her the ability to decide on her own free will if she will want to go out with me on a second date. "No Strings Attached" permits both my date and myself to go out on a date, without fear and without pressure to make things work.

With no expectation of a second date assumed, then both my date and myself are free to explore one another, to see if there is a real future potential for the relationship.

Ladies. I know that I am looking for a long-term relationship, and one day, I might be willing to invite my girlfriend to become my wife. "No Strings Attached" should never be viewed, as "I only want a roll in the hay." Instead, "No Strings Attached" means that I would like to get to know you a bit better, before I agree to any kind of long-term or committed relationship with you.

Just as I want the chance to get to know you before I make a commitment to you, you should want the same from me.

Hit me up, if you live in my neck of the woods. I am single, and I make a real good living. I am looking for a long-term relationship, with the potential of marriage, and I may truly be looking for someone exactly like you. But until you can put away your fear and agree to go on a date with no strings attached, then you and I will never know what could have been.

Read More Articles From Lance Metzger:

Lance Metzger writes about relationships, offline and online dating.
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