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Online Dating Is A Difficult Process That Offers Some Rewards
Mar 18, 2009
Many people who are on the dating scene turn to the online dating websites to find new friends and lovers. But that road is a hard one that can occasionally bring those with great patience - great rewards.
Beyond everything else, patience is required of anyone who is pursuing friends, lovers or mates in the real world and online. When I do the dating thing in the real world, I find several opportunities to talk to the person in whom I am interested. Then after a few meets, I pop the big question, asking for a date. Then date night comes along and it may work, and it may not, but more frequently all seems well early, only to fall apart at a later date.
Folks, online dating comes with all the same pitfalls as offline dating. You advertise yourself, you find people whom you may be interested, you try to talk it up, and then the first date comes. That first date may work and it may not.
In the end, online dating is much the same as offline dating, with a few more benefits and pitfalls thrown in to frustrate the person seeking a date.
The Differences Between The Online And Offline Experience
The biggest difference between the online and offline dating experience is a benefit that comes from it.
Benefits Of Online Dating
With online dating, you get to be introduced to people with whom you may have never had the opportunity to meet in person - usually due to different lifestyles and different locations.
With online dating, you also have the ability to sort through the profiles of hundreds or thousands of people to narrow your list to your best matches more quickly.
Shortcomings Of Online Dating
When you meet someone you like in person and you say hi, he or she will usually say hi back. For every 20 emails sent out, as few as 2 or 3 may respond back.
Some online daters have defined this as the difference between "talkers" and "doers". Many point out that most people online only want to talk about meeting, but when it comes down to it, they will be unwilling to take the "action" step.
This actually happens in one of two ways. First is when you send out an email and no one ever responds. The second is when you actually set up a date, only to be stood up.
Let's be honest about why this happens.
So many people have heard horror stories about people who have met strangers online, only to have the meet go horribly bad. Yes, the criminal element hangs out online as well as at the local mall.
Ladies fear the criminal predators, and the guys should fear the fake profile predators who are always working towards asking for money to be sent for a needed emergency expense.
The one time I ran into the fake profile predator, I should have known when she could not talk intelligently about her hometown. I knew the gig was up when she started professing her love after only a few conversations. And the gig was finally up, when this woman who supposedly made about three times as much money as myself needed help to pay for her babysitter in some far off state.
The trick to ensuring your safety is to always make your first date in a public place. That way, if things go badly on that first date, then you can seek assistance from other people if necessary. You can even ask the cashier to call the police out to help escort you to your car.
Unfortunately, many people go so far as to set up a date in a public place, but when the scheduled date time arrives, they simply do not show up. Many of the people who got stood up were good, honest people, but the person who stood them up will never be able to find that out, because they never met the person whom they agreed to meet for that first date.
Fear Is The Greatest Demotivator
When dating online, the opportunities are available for some great people to meet and get together, but too often, people let the fear of contact stand in the way of letting people come together. The fear of responding to an email is the greated threat to the successful fulfillment of one's relationship desires, but also the fear of actually meeting someone in person will prevent even people who have chatted online for a long time from coming together.
I am always amazed when I think back to my friend Lisa, who chatted with a guy online for more than one year, before the two of them met. And then they dated for several months when he moved to her hometown. They are still married eight years later. With so many things that could go wrong in the online dating experience, it is nice to know that there are success stories that we can share.
Lance Metzger writes about relationships, offline and online dating.
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